When you no longer care to go midnight showings of movies… but instead you’re totally content hitting the matinee the next day. Or next week. Or just waiting until it comes to DVD is good, actually.

When the first of your “hometown” friends is making great strides in the traditional homemaker lifestyle–she’s been married for almost a year, has a home, is now pregnant, and is likely planning and budgeting her future quite nicely.

When you learn that one of your “hometown” friends is having a baby and you start reminscing about the “good ‘ole days.”

When you realize you will likely be in multiple weddings next summer.

When you’ve finally learned how to take care of yourself when you’re sick. This includes getting proper rest, getting extra rest in the middle of the day–forcing you to sacrifice social activities, making smart decisions when debating the “to go or not to go to class?” question, taking your medicine, and making your own chicken noodle soup. (Though I still miss the days when I had mommy to take care of every need while I laid in bed all day… but I look back on them with grateful appreciation.)

When you actually start studying for tests a few days in advance.

When you make a large pot of coffee out of habit rather than because you need the caffeine.

When you’re taking a study break and realize that instead of mindlessly scrolling through Facebook updates, you are instead looking up schools that have the master’s program you have recently been considering.

When looking up future possibilities makes you think how old you feel, and your next study break is a blog ranting about how old you feel. I realize I’m not even 21 yet… but still. I’d like to have a day when I have absolutely no homework and can enjoy a girl’s night where we watch more than one movie and stay up past midnight simply because we can. But that doesn’t happen, ever, anymore. WHICH GIVES ME THE RIGHT TO WRITE THIS BLOG. Don’t judge.

We often joke about this phrase. We mock it. We criticize it. But in all honestly, I don’t think it’s a bad place to be. With today being Valentine’s day, I am naturally thinking about my valentine (though he still hasn’t accepted my offer to be my valentine… but that’s a different story.) I am also thinking back to past February 14ths and remembering the stages of life I was in during each year. I have celebrated Single’s Awareness Day just like many other females who have a hidden bitterness in their hearts toward the hallmark holiday. I have been through the relationship/valentine dealio before and done the fancy date, cute gift, etc. I have also had a few years where I was pursuing Jesus with my whole heart and I remember taking this day as an opportunity to dwell on my love for Him and Him alone. I think in a sense, all of us should claim the state of “dating Jesus,” and be proud to do so.

Before discrediting the idea, try to follow with me here: What is it like to be in a relationship with another person? To be “dating” them, if you will. You do nice things to express your love and appreciation for them, you want to spend a lot of time with them, you try your hardest not to take them for granted. You go through challenges and refinements but ultimately, if it is a solid relationship, it holds strong.

Now switch gears and think about Jesus. We spend time with Him, trying to get to know Him better and understand the Word of His Father. We proclaim our faith and encourage others in His name. When we’re going through a spiritual rut, we realize we have been taking His love for granted and intentionally do what we can to change that. He pursues us relentlessly and we strive to do the same. And what do we, as Christians, claim? To be in a relationship with Jesus. Just as we would proudly say we are in a relationship with our significant other–our human lover. Our human lover who we are either married to or in relationship with as a potential pre-marriage step. And are we not the bride of Christ? Chew on that for a second. (*Note: If you’re taking my whole analogy to the level of Jon Rizzo’s “Marriage Wine” song, you’ve gone too far. That’s my only comment about that.)

Final thoughts. I can be in a relationship with Aaron and a relationship with Jesus Christ. I don’t think either would argue that if I don’t choose between the two then he is walking out on me. They both love me and pursue me in ways that encourage me to love and pursue the other. They work simultaneously–I can be in two relationships at once, with two different forms of love. The Greek word eros describes the kind of love I have for Aaron, though if I do not love him through agape love (which acts as a lens of unconditional, Christ-centered love), my eros love for him is meaningless.

So, friends. Whether you are married, in a relationship, or trying to make it through Single’s Awareness day without bitterness, it is okay to proudly proclaim that you are dating Jesus. We should all be pursuing Him as a lover all of the time, anyway. And to my single ladies out there, if you use it on a guy sometime in the near future, make sure you actually mean it (and you will probably have to explain yourself) rather than throwing it out there as an excuse to say you’re not interested.

Happy valentines day! Do something nice for your Lover today.

The Celtics called the Holy Spirit the “Wild Goose.” I’ve been reading a book by Mark Batterson called “Wild Goose Chase,” and it’s all about pursuing the Holy Spirit and pursuing the passions He instills in your heart. I’ve had this book since I finished up camp at Simpson Park last summer, and have only made it through a third of its pages since that time. It is one of those books with so much insight that you can only take in so much with every read. Anyway. I knew India was about to be my personal Wild Goose chase. During those long 17 hours, my heart was encouraged by sweet whispers reminding me that the next three weeks would include the unveiling of passions rooted deep within my heart. I was a bit nervous to dig them up because passions which are not acted upon are nothing more than nice things to think about. It’s like that awkward stage of a relationship when you know you like each other but aren’t yet willing to put yourself out there and take a chance on a really good thing. If you don’t put your passions to good use, what’s the point in having them? I think one of my hesitations in going to India was knowing I would learn a lot about myself and knowing also that I would be burdened to put myself out there. And simply, that scared me. Little did I know I was about to remove the term “comfort zone” from my vocabulary.

After three weeks of learning, loving, living, discovering, digging, and growing… I am starting to see the fruit of my time in India. (I like to imagine it as pomegranate, as this is a fruit I was introduced to in India and fell in LOVE with.) I have already felt called to put some of my growth into action and change some things in my life–both in a practical sense and a deeper sense. Those will come in another blog, when it’s not 4 am and I’m not still recovering from jet lag. I am certainly still adjusting to American life again. The food, the time difference, the time I’m able to spend with loved ones. “Overwhelming” is a word which best describes everything from the last four weeks. From initial culture shock, to difficult adjustment, to full immersion in the Indian culture, to preparation of coming home, to reflection, to re-adjustment… it has been a while since I have not felt overwhelmed. But one can be overwhelmed in good and bad ways, and I have certainly experienced both. More stories to come in future blogs.

Friends and family, I have certainly not forgotten about my blog and my promise to update you (especially those of you who I will not be able to see for a while) on my travels. Spring classes begin on Thursday, accompanied by a renewed busy schedule and dozens of assignments and meetings to steal my time away from India reflection. One day, however, hopefully within the next two weeks, I’ll have pictures posted, videos uploaded, and blogs written. In the meantime, know that my experience was well-worth it. God certainly used my lack of preparation to throw me into a wall of culture shock, but He never let go of my hand the entire time. I learned a lot about myself, about other people, and about how we all work together as similar creations with similar purposes. We serve a mighty, powerful God and it was such a blessing to see the work He is doing on the other side of the world. As my thoughts and reflections continue to flow, I will be updating them here. Stay tuned for more on my Wild Goose chase!

I honestly think it’s all of the life changes piling up at once–the good and the bad–and my inability to adapt to large changes in my life. I’m good at adapting to small changes, such as my boyfriend’s mustache or a new room arrangement. Perhaps I have acquired that skill to compensate for my lack of large change adaption. Who knows. But it’s on my 2012 bucket list/new year’s resolution list/whatever the trendy term for it is this year. And supposedly there is no better way to achieve something than to dive in cold turkey, yes? That’s how my life seems to be going at this point. A new country for three weeks. A new Kentucky home for the rest of my parents’ lives. A new semester to further this major that I feel peace about though I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with it. A realization that I’ll be a senior come spring semester and therefore one step closer to graduation. A new family I’m getting to know and learning to love and appreciate more with every passing day. Like I mentioned, good and bad. It just feels like a lot right now. But I’m trying to blind myself to the fears and frustrations that tag along with it all and instead focus my limited sight to the beauty that will come from the growth I experience through it all.

And to start it all off… India. In less than two days. I could use your prayers as I begin this adventure with my 16 team members. I know we’re all walking into this experience with different fears, excitements, and expectations. It’s three weeks. 22 days. 5 flights. A lot of walking. A lot of coping. A lot sacrificial learning. I have my journal, as of this time tomorrow I will have my bag packed and secured, and I’m devoting the next day to learning how to appreciate. I know I’ll need it.

I won’t be able to have much communication with friends and family, with the high costs of international texting and calling. I’ll be texting home once or twice a week, so check in with my parents or Aaron (depending on whether you’re family or school friends) to see how things are going. As I end this blog, I’d like to share some JJ lyrics Aaron is so appropriately mixing with beautiful ambient music. He doesn’t realize how much his soothing voice and choice of song are calming my nervous heart right now. “When my world is shaking, heaven stands. When my heart is breaking, I’ll never leave your hands.” No matter where in the world I am, no matter what my expectations are and how unprepared I feel, I never leave His hands. Thank the Lord. I’ll be back in a little under a month, friends! Thanks for the prayers to come.

For some reason, I can’t shake the stress of the semester. It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that I’ve finished my fifth semester at SAU, and I only have three more before I’m thrown into the real world. One of those semesters includes a 3-week trip to India. (Did I mention I leave in LESS THAN TEN DAYS?!) I still can’t believe it. I still have so much to buy and so much mental preparation to do. I think cramming all that I need to live in a foreign country for three weeks into a small carry-on is one of my biggest fears at this point. That, and finding the perfect journal for my travels. That, and that, and saying goodbye to loved ones, even though I know the cross-cultural experience will be worth it. The more I think about India, the more excited and nervous I become at the same time. I know I won’t ever feel prepared, so I’m not sure why I’m trying so hard to make that happen.

I want to write more about what I’m learning lately… the art of appreciation, to be more specific. But I think I’ll save that for another blog. Right now, I think I’m going to take a nap. I’ll wake up feeling groggy and ridiculous for sleeping this afternoon when I was already able to sleep in this morning. I’ll wake up and do some packing/re-arranging stuff to make myself feel productive. I’ll walk around feeling like a zombie and I’ll finally decide to start baking. I’ll bake into the wee hours of the night, and pop in a Christmas movie or strike up a Skype date if I get lonely, considering my parents will have gone to bed at this point. I’ll crash when it becomes super late and I’ll wake up probably the next afternoon.

Oh, the joys of Christmas break… And it truly is a joy.